Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Prof
Blackstone,
I would
like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you. My name is Chan Wei
Ying and I am a year 1 engineering student in your effective communication
module.
I have
recently graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in green building
and sustainability. Before the start of university, I extended my internship
with a company under the government and institution department where I was
tasked to aid various schools in achieving their Green Mark certification.
After working with the company, I developed an interest in this line of work; it is interesting to see how something small such as changing the light bulbs
can make a building more efficient, hence I decided to further my studies in
the sustainable infrastructure engineering (building services) program offered
by SIT.
My
communication strength is that I have the disposition to be friendly. I believe
that I have a warm personality that makes me approachable as I respect people’s
feelings, ideas, and beliefs.
My greatest
weakness is my public speaking skills. Public speaking is a huge challenge for
me. I get incredibly nervous when I am tasked to speak in front of a large and
unfamiliar crowd. However, I do not get nervous when presenting in smaller groups.
My goal for
this module is to be able to develop confidence in speaking to a large crowd
and overcome my fear of public speaking as I have realized that this will
hinder my progress as an individual and in the future when I enter the workforce.
Best
Regards,
Chan Wei
Ying
Revised as of 03/10/20 2048hr
Thank you, Wei Ying, for the early post of this informative letter.
ReplyDeleteI'll give feedback after your peers have weighed in.
Hi Wei Ying,
ReplyDeleteFor your content, most of the content is there, however there is a missing content which is what differentiate you from others and you only have one goal for this module as i think that speaking to a large crowd and public speaking is the same thing. There are some errors that you might like to take another look at. They are:
1. "After working for a while" can be "After working with the company"
2. "I am fine with presenting to a small group" can be "I do not get nervous when presenting in a smaller group"
Hi Yume,
DeleteThank you for the feedback! I will look through it again.
Hi Wei Ying,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, it was a pleasure reading your introduction letter.
Firstly, I feel that you have covered most of the content required with detailed explanation except that you did not mention what differentiate you from others and your second goal. Other than that, I think you did a great job. The messages regarding your strength and weakness are clear and concise.
Secondly, I like that you started your sentence with the subject of the content such as “my communication strength….”, “my greatest weakness….”, “my goal….”. It is very organized, and it gave me a heads up on what I am reading.
Overall, I truly enjoyed reading your letter and I hope to get to you more moving forward. I hope that my feedback can help you improve on your future writing.
Best regards,
Tobias Hanputra
Dear Wei Ying,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this clear and concise introductory letter of yourself!
I feel that most of the objectives were met, except that maybe you could touch on what differentiates you from the rest so that your classmates and I can learn more about you!
I like how your Internship experience has sparked your interest in engineering and the field of work (Facilities Management) because we share the same Internship experience and my interest in engineering developed during my internship as well!
The organization is generally clean and concise. It would have been better if you could elaborate more on your strengths with examples/illustration :)
All in all, I enjoyed reading your letter and I hope to learn more about you in the upcoming weeks ahead!
Best regards,
Zann
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteDear Wei Ying,
Thanks so much for this clear, detailed letter. We certainly learn a lot about you in it, and I can see, for example, that what you write is reflected in reality: you are friendly and rather outgoing. It's clear too that you have relevant experience since you worked on Green Mark. I'd be interested to know exactly what you did in that job position.
In terms of your perceived weakness and related module goals, we will address oral presentations very soon. Meanwhile, please do take every opportunity to speak up in class.
There are also a few areas of language use in this letter that you need to review for it to be even more impactful:
1. Caps (for more consistency)
-- see https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization
2. sentence structure
-- I developed an interest in this line of work because it is interesting to see how something small such as changing the light bulbs can make a building more efficient, hence I decided to further my studies in the Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building services) program offered by SIT. > (comma splice) ?
I look forward to learning more form you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you Professor Brad for the comment, I will make changes accordingly.
Delete